Something to help some folks…

Okay, so it’s been like a thousand days since I posted something here… but after a bad week in our community last week, it seems that the Holy Spirit has poured out some wisdom for me to distribute. The following comes from my sermon last Sunday, and it seems to have resonated with quite a crowd of folks, so I am posting it here to refer to for others. If it helps, great, if not, then… okay.

Here’s what I said about dealing with Hazardous People.

What does Jesus do? You do what Jesus did with the Pharisees, the Hazardous people of His day.

1. Realize it’s not about you.

Realize it’s not about you. When somebody is Hazardous they’re going to try to blame it on you, they love to blame you for their pain. But it’s not about you. It’s about them. As I said, you’re as happy as you choose to be. Every time you blame somebody else for your pain you spell blame b-lame. So every time you blame somebody else for your unhappiness you’re being lame.

Romans 12:13 “If it is possible [If, not “it is” but if] as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Circle two phrases. Circle “if”. And circle “as far as it depends on you.” Those are two amazing qualifiers. I don’t know if you’ve learned this yet but it’s not always possible to live at peace. There are some people no matter what you do they’re going to still poke you in the eye. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. It has to do with their pain and their hurt.

I want you to write down three statements. This I going to be a great stress reliever for many of you. This is what God wants to say to you about the hazardous people in your life.

A. I didn’t create it.

In other words I didn’t create their hazardous behavior. Their super fearful. They’re super bitter. They’re super envious. They’re super greedy. They’re belittling or they’re nagging or nitpicking. You didn’t create that. So you don’t have to feel guilty about it. You did not create their behavior. They might want to blame you for it but you’re not responsible. It’s their choice. “I didn’t create it.”

B. I can’t control it.

You can’t control anybody else’s behavior. Whether it’s good or bad, negative or toxic or whatever. So you don’t need to worry about it. Most people when they get a toxic person in their life they feel guilty like “Maybe it’s my fault.” And they feel worried like, “I’ve got to control it.”

No. God does not expect you to control it. This is the myth of parenting. The parenting myth is “If I am the perfect parent my kids will turn out perfectly.” There’s only been one perfect parent in life – God. God created Adam and Eve. A perfect Father, He put them in a perfect environment and they still messed it up. Are you going to do better than God? If God can have kids go bad, guess what?

Some of you are carrying a lot of false guilt. If I had just done something differently! Every kid makes his choice. You are as close to God as you want to be. I’m as close to God as I want to be. If I’m not close to God, it’s my fault. If you’re not close to God, guess who moved? God didn’t.

You didn’t create their behavior and you can’t control their behavior so don’t feel guilty and don’t worry about it.

C. You won’t change their behavior.

You don’t have that ability. Don’t even try to attempt it. When you’ve got a crazy maker, when you’ve got a hazardous person in your life, it’s a waste of time to try to change them. Why? Because nobody changes until they decide to change. You can’t change anybody. You can only change yourself. People only change when the fear of change is exceeded by the pain.

When the pain gets greater than your fear of change that’s when you change. But until that happens nothing’s going to change. The amazing thing is a lot of hazardous people have an amazingly high pain tolerance. They are more afraid of changing than they are of handling the pain that they create for themselves and everybody else. And they live in a constant state of misery.

So you didn’t create it, you can’t control it, and you’re not going to change it. So realize it’s not about you.

That’s all for now… if you want more, just let me know.

May the Grace of God go with you,

Dwight

Like Jesus

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. John 1:14

Whether they are traveling through a small farming town in Nebraska, a surfing village in California or an industrial community in Pennsylvania, politicians love to show how they can relate to the people in that area. But the sad thing is that they can’t really meet those people on the same level; they can’t identify with them no matter how hard they try to make it appear like they can.

Jesus, though, never gives us that illusion of identity. He doesn’t throw up a façade to try and appear like he gets where we are coming from. Jesus Christ connected with the people of two thousand years ago, and he connects with you and me today on a level that we can understand and appreciate.

At one point we’ve all said, “No one understands my situation.” But that statement could not be further from the truth. Jesus understands; he’s been there; he knows what we go through day in and day out. He had a job – for most of his life he was a carpenter. He had the same relationships that you and I have today – mother, father, brothers, sister, friends, and enemies. He even faced the same temptations that you and I face. Jesus knows what daily living is like. He knows because he’s been there himself.

So this week, when you feel like there is no one that can grasp what you are going through; when you feel like throwing up your hands and giving up; when you have that gut reaction of, “No one understands my situation…” remember that our Savior has been there and then add two words to your statement: “Like Jesus.”

First day of school Part 1

The kids where excited to say the least… It was much harder for the twins to go to sleep than the boys, but even Caleb showed his excitement by waking up at 5 am! Here you can see them just before they got on the bus. We can’t wait to see them when they get home… We’ll post more about that later.

Pastor on Vacation

This last week has been a blast asks and my family has been on vacation near Glasgow, Kentucky.

Next week school starts and the twins are looking forward to kindergarten.

May the Grace of God go with you.

-D

Oklahoma details and Amboy’s newsletter

For more updates on the Oklahoma trip plus some photos visit amboyfriends.wordpress.com . We are also posting weekly updates and prayer list concerns as well.

Well our trip to Oklahoma…

Well our trip to Oklahoma went well. We had a great time, 20 adults went. We did a lot of work and got a lot done. I am currently on my way to Indiana yearly meeting sessions. listen

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Oklahoma!!!

So summer is in full swing…

We are preparing for the next few weeks. Next week we are at Quaker Haven enjoying Pastor’s Short course, where I am preparing a seminar… then back to Amboy on July 3rd (evening) and enjoy our 4th, and then I (Dwight) take off at 5 am on the 5th with a team of 21 people going to McLoud, Oklahoma to work at the Kickapoo Friends Center for 7 days. It’ll be a great time, and God has blessed quite a bit of our efforts in fund raising for this. All the funds are in, with fund raising efforts such as a pancake breakfast, a fish fry, and several pitch-in meals, it’s really exciting to see something that the whole church is behind.

On a more personal note, it’s been a tough week. Lori was gone to Mississippi for 2 days on business, but the kids stayed with Mom and Dad, while I spent some time preparing for all the things coming up and taking a day of rest, to go camping with a friend. It was a good time, but everything broke loose as Lori and I were making our way back to Amboy to be reunited with the kids… my mother discovered lice in Emma’s hair, which at first we thought might be an over-reaction, but nope, she was right. So we’ve been dealing with the kids and washing sheets every other night, along with treatments, and it’s just been chaotic to say the least. That coupled with the fact that we are STILL waiting for some sort of economic stimulus check to help with stuff, and have yet to receive anything. It’s just added to the pressures of what’s going on around us. In all of our years of raising kids, 11 as Drew would remind us, this is the first year we’ve encountered lice and to have encountered it 2 times in the last 6 months is a little unnerving to say the least. But, that’s part of the suffering for Christ.

Many times we’re called out of our comfort zones to suffer for some reason or another, and I’ve known that our reason is to be a strength to somebody else at some other time. It’s all part of it.

Well, that’s all the news for now. I’m probably going to put some video posts up after the trip, so that you can see the natural progression of what went on through the trip.

Please keep us in your prayers and may the Grace of God go with you…

Dwight

Slowing Down (Part 3)

Say No!

Originally uploaded by Iastald

This is a continuation of the series “Running on Empty” and due to time constraints, this was NOT in the sermon, but was a part of an early draft that I had to cut. We talk about opportunities and saying no.

Let’s be honest. How many of you have hard time saying no to opportunity? “When I see an opportunity I want to go for it.” Great. Let me give you some suggestions because I’m a pro at this one. Let me tell you how to manage opportunities. Because if you don’t manage them, you’ll drown in opportunities. There are plenty of things for you to do with your life that you shouldn’t do.

Here’s what you do. When you’re faced with an opportunity, you do three things.

A. You ask, Is it worth it? When you’re facing an opportunity the first thing you do is you ask, Is it worth it? Is it worth my time?
How do I know if it’s worth it or not? Look at what the Bible says. “If any of you needs wisdom, to know what you should do, you should ask God, and He will give it to you.” So you pray and you ask God, Is it worth it?

B. The second thing you ask when you’re facing an opportunity you ask, What am I going to give up? That’s the second question you ask before you consider an opportunity. What am I going to give up in order to do this new thing? You can’t just keep adding and adding and adding. I had to learn the hard way. You can’t keep adding things. What am I going to give up?

When you know, Is it worth it? And, What am I going to give up?

C. Then the third thing you do is you learn to say no.

I say no a hundred times more often than I say yes. I have to. It’s the greatest time saver in life. Two little letters – no. It’s like that anti drug statement “Just say no.” It not only works good for drugs, it works good for a pathetic lifestyle. Some of you are addicted to speed. And I don’t mean meth-amphetamines. I mean you’re addicted to the speed of life. You’re addicted to adrenaline and you don’t know how to slow down.

I would suggest you try going on an activity diet. Ever thought about that. Not a diet of food but an activity diet, you cut back. On your day off you do intentional things to slow your life down. Intentionally slow it down.

For instance. On my day off, on Fridays, if I’ve got to go to the grocery store, I don’t worry about getting the closest parking spot to the door. I park the furthest part away. And then I leisurely walk that distance into the grocery store. I get my groceries having a lot of fun. When I’ve got my groceries I choose the longest line. I’m not in a hurry. I look over at those poor suckers in the express lane having a heart attack. I’m over reading the National Enquirer, picking out some Certs. “Two headed boy marries three headed girl.” That’s interesting! You learn all kinds of things when you slow down. I intentionally put it slower. Learn to say no.

That’s all for now, if this has left you hungry for more, come join us at Amboy Friends Church on Sunday mornings at 10:15 am.

Hope to see you there, and as always, May the Grace of God go with you.

-D

Slowing Down (Part 2) and more off the cutting room floor.

Sabbath

Originally uploaded by PlumPoet

In last week’s sermon we talked about slowing down. We talked about taking a sabbath. The following is more that I had to say on the subject, but it just didn’t fit into the time constraints of our message, and it deals directly with your sabbath, your day of rest.

What do you do on this Sabbath day to actually have it be a day of rest? I rest my body. I recharge my emotions. I refocus my spirit.

A. I rest my body.

If you don’t take time off your body’s going to make time off.

In history after the French revolution the entire nation decided not to take Sunday off any longer. They thought they’d get more done. It was not long until they re-instituted it as a day of rest because the entire health of the nation was failing. You need rest.

If you don’t slow down by choice, circumstances are going to force you to slow down. God says I want you to make the choice. I don’t want it to happen that way. You rest your body,

B. I recharge my emotions.

Do things like just being quiet. Taking some time to be quiet. Reconnecting in relationships. Just being together with other people. Some kind of recreation that rejuvenates. I’m not talking about competitive recreation. Some of you aren’t getting any recharging of your emotions out on the golf course. You’re just getting angry at the other guy. I know you’re using God’s name out there but it’s not worship! (haha)

I like to do things in the yard.. But I’ve found out I can easily move from just enjoying planting a few plants on my day off until all of a sudden I’m going to take the entire back yard. I’m going to finish everything. No longer am I resting. I’m working. You know how that works.

Do something that rejuvenates you.

C. Then I refocus my spirit.

That’s worship. You don’t take a day off from God. You worship. Worship puts life into perspective. No sport can do that. No hobby can do that. As enjoyable as those are I need time to put my life in perspective by remembering how great God really is. I need time to be alone with God. You need time with Him. If you’re too busy for God you’re just too busy. That’s why He put us on this planet. It’s what we’re going to do for all eternity. I get so busy doing my To Do list that I miss the most important thing I was made to do…. What happened? I’m missing out on life. The life that God made me to live. I refocus my spirit.

To do this, I have to schedule. It does not happen automatically. Would you agree with that? I’ve got to schedule it. I have to remind myself of Psalm 127:2 “It’s useless to rise early and go to bed lat,e and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don’t you know that God enjoys giving rest to those He loves?” Take a day of rest.

You call it a day of Sabbath. Not a day off but a day of Sabbath. When you do that you remind yourself, not because you have to. But because God enjoys giving rest to those He loves.

This last point is extremely important. Don’t call it your day off. Call it your Sabbath. The reason why is if you call it your day off you’re going to be tempted to cheat on it sometimes, to work through it, to use it for work, to skim over it. If you call it the Sabbath which it is (it’s every seventh day) then you’re more likely to keep it because the Bible says if you don’t keep it you’re breaking the Ten Commandments.

What we’re talking about is not optional. God says in the big ten, every seventh day you take a day off. It’s right up there with, Don’t commit adultery and Don’t murder anybody. That’s how important God says it is. You may say, I would never commit adultery. I would never murder anybody. But you don’t take a Sabbath lots of times. You work right through the weekend. You cram more into it than you do even during the week. You’ve got to take the time off. You rest your body, you recharge your emotions and renew your spirit and focus on God.

That’s all that I have for now. If this has left you hungry for more, come and join us for our weekly feeding on Sunday mornings at 10:15 at Amboy Friends Church.

Hope to see you there, and as always, May the Grace of God go with you.

-D

Slowing Down and the Cutting room floor (Part 1)

So this week, we are continuing our series. And as we continue to talk about how our lives are always “Running on Empty” we are going to talk this week about slowing down.

The simple fact is this. We have to slow down. Our society teaches us to speed up. So this teaching is really counter-culture in its roots. But it’s because of these three myths.

When get tired of “running on empty,” you learn that you’re on the road to slowing down your life. Because you have to start with this motivation. What drives you to always push for more? What keeps you going fast? Why do you have to have more money in the bank account? Why do you have to have more achievements in your career? Why do you have to have more activities in your schedule?

The answer to those questions is you have bought in to the three major myths of our culture.

The first major myth of our culture is this: Having more will make me more happy.

That’s just not true. I could give you thousands of examples that having more will not necessarily make you more happy. Jesus said it like this, “A man’s life consists not in the abundance of things he possesses.” The greatest things in life aren’t things. It’s not about values or possessions. He said, “What would it profit a man if he gained the whole world and lose his soul.” I know lots of people who have lots of things but they’re still quite unhappy.

The Bible says this “Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint.” He says it’s wise to restrain yourself from going, going, going, going solid fast all the time just to make more money. It’s stupid to do that. To just wear yourself out getting rich. He’s saying that actually it’s dumb, it’s foolish, it’s stupid to give up your health in order to get wealth. To wear yourself out just to get more money. It’s dumb to give up health to get wealth.

In fact, I’ve noticed that most people in life make a major switch at half time in life. The first half of their life they sacrifice their health in order to get wealth. And they overwork. As a result of that their body starts breaking down. In the second half of life they sacrifice wealth in order to get health. All that money you made in the first half of life you’re going to spend it on doctors the second half of life. Why? Because you didn’t take care of yourself the first half of life. It seems to me it would have been smarter to balance it all out from the very beginning.

The myth of having more will make me more happy. It keeps you from being contented, which keeps you driving, driving, driving for more things.

The second myth is that doing more will make me more worthy.

In other words, if I do more people will love me more. They’ll like me more. I’ll be more valued. I’ll be more appreciated. I’ll be more admired. I’ll be more respected. I’ll be more approved if I do more and more and more. So I will prove my worth by my work.

If you get your work and your worth confused, you’re going to be stressed out your entire life. If you get your work and your worth confused, you’re going to be stressed out your entire life. If you get your work and your worth confused, you’re going to be stressed out your entire life.

There is this myth that doing more will make me more important. And that the busier I am the more important I am. That’s just not true.

The Bible says this in Ecclesiastes 4:6 “It’s better to have only a little, with peace of mind, than to be busy all the time with both hands, trying to catch the wind.” It might be smarter to buy a smaller home, live at a lesser level of material lifestyle in order to have more time, more energy and more enjoyment. To have more peace of mind.

Not everybody who is ambitious should be admired. They’ve put people on covers of magazines who’ve achieved great things and many of those people should not be honored or admired. Because a lot of ambition is actually motivated by very unhealthy motivation. I’ve met very successful people who are motivated by fear. Or motivated by guilt. Or motivated by envy or jealousy. I’ve met very successful people who are motivated by revenge. Who are motivated by insecurity. Who are motivated by ego. By self-centeredness. By the desire for applause. All of those things are unhealthy emotions. The Bible calls them idols. False gods. They’re idols.

There’s a third myth that we have in our culture. Life is competitive. Life is a competition with other people.

It’s not. I don’t care who tells you that it is a competition, they’re wrong. The fact is you’re not in competition with anybody. You are as unique as thumbprint. You just be yourself. The more you know Christ, the more you become really yourself, who God made you to be and you shine being you.

When you start comparing yourself to other people that creates envy, it creates jealousy, it creates discouragement, it creates pride. Comparing and contentment are mortal enemies.

And once you start being contented you can actually start slowing down and living a sane, humane life.

Proverbs 14:30 “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life; jealousy rots it away.”

A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life. It helps us to slow down, and smell the roses. Did you know that if you slow down your life and relax, you can add time to your life. That makes sense when you really start to think about it. If I am relaxed, and don’t stress out, then my blood pressure, and my heart rate are slower and lower. We all know that high blood pressure comes with stress, and that if you relax you lower that blood pressure. That’s the result of a relaxed attitude.

This passage also says jealousy in contrast, rots it away. Why? Because when I’m jealous, when I’m envious, it means I’m comparing. When I’m comparing I’m not contented and when I’m not contented I start pushing myself, pushing myself, pushing myself. You cannot be relaxed and jealous at the same time. You can’t be relaxed and envious at the same time.

You may not realize this but your mouth actually controls the pace of your life. The way and the speed and how you talk to other people actually influences your heart rate and it influences your stress level in life.

These points are not in the sermon, because of time restraints. But I really hope that you drink in the truth that is behind these. God doesn’t want for you to be stressed out. He wants you to rest, to slow down. No matter what the culture may teach us, and no matter what you see that driver doing behind the wheel of the next car over. Our job is not to multi-task every moment of our lives.

Think about this. If actions speak louder than words, what actions are you teaching the next generation. Not just our own kids, but the teens that look up to and admire you?

That’s all I’ve got for now. There’s a LOT more that’s on the cutting room floor here. Maybe I’ll post it next week. If anything here has struck a chord, and has left you hungry for more, consider joining our flock for the next teaching on Sunday at 10:15.

As always, May the Grace of God go with you.

Peace and Blessings,

-D